You read it right, the title of the post is indeed the first lines of this raunchy bollywood item number that’s topping the charts these days and has made everyone, literally everyone I know ranging from close friends to the kids at the NGO and the autowallahs go crazy about it. This number is popular even at Navratri (the 9 day dance festival of Gujarat) events this season, Not a single soul I know detests it as I do. Btw if I were a filmmaker I would rather drown in a bucket full of water than having a song termed as ‘Item’ in my movie. (I know the item would’ve brought me a fortune but its simply out of my taste and money isn’t everything on the planet.) You can loathe these but never overlook these if you live in India and are apt to your surroundings. And looking at the popularity of the above mentioned ‘hit’ (well I have to call it so) it seems that the producers recovered the entire sum invested just out from this one number and the movie was made just to support the song.
Now what’s with these bollywood item numbers, why are they so popular in today’s urban India? Naturally expected from the bucolic majority but what makes such B grade movies and numbers popular in the suave milieu of the country? The declining sense of erudition (or which never was in majority of the population) may be one of the reasons. Majority of the masses and specially youth of India make them popular (again sounding like an old guy, damn, am I getting old or my thoughts are!) and I don’t know what they find in such disgusting numbers that the combined efforts of the youth throughout the nation make it a chart topping number on the radio. Now look at the cheapness quotient of such numbers. Anyone with adequate pockets can make such a number, here is how one does. 😉
- Take a rustic background (Urbane one would not work looking at the tastes of people these days).
- Get a model dress up in skimpy clothes resembling a bikini but with traditional Indian embroidery.
- Get some despicable looking guys swoon around her while she shakes her booty.
- Add some illogical lyrics (or else how would you justify ‘Zandu Balm Hui’) stolen from some Pakistani writer who worked day and night to come up with it.
- Also take the composition from some old Arabic Number or a classic band such as ABBA or Buggles.
- Add the most wild beats you’ve heard till date and mix it up with the composition and lyrics.
- Add some ‘Aaahs’ and ‘Ooohs’ in the music to make it sound aphrodisiacal.
- Shoot the entire process up and lo, your video is ready.
- (Optional step) If you are reluctant and have enough time to waste, go and make a movie supporting the song, otherwise the song is enough to return your investments at least.
- Commercialize it or put it up on youtube for the planet to ‘admire’ your skills (or model’s swag) and who knows your video might’ve outnumbered Beiber’s record of views by next month!